Well not sooooooo long ago really more like 19 or so years ago.... I was what they would call skinny fat. I was small in size with pretty much no muscle definition and I was certainly not fit. But boy was I thin and rocking the size 5s.
Since then, I have had the joys of babies, fast food, pizza, Pepsi addiction, nicotine addiction, serious depression, no self confidence and becoming a professional at the yo-yo diet. There is no one to blame for the shape I am in today except for myself and my own lack of self confidence and self image.
Lord knows I am a professional dieter. I have done most of them out there and some that are not as easy to get into like Optifast.... I can lose weight and I have done it many times over the past 2 decades. I can not seem to maintain it and push that loss all the way to a healthy weight though. Then when I gain it back I usually manage to find a couple of extra pounds in the process. YAY! Who doesn't love friends?
I finally hit the wall after gaining back everything that I lost while on Optifast in a mere 6 months once I was back to eating real food. Talk about a brutal and vicious diet! Nothing but liquids for 20 weeks! I was always hungry and honestly I think my brain quit during that process.
February 29th I met with Dr. Thomas Brown and his team at Colorado Bariatrics. I chose this team for a couple of reasons: my insurance company is ok with them, they have the "surgeon supervised" weight loss plan that my insurance requires, it is interdisciplinary, it is in Pres St Luke's Hospital and I have a special place in my heart for that hospital after they saved me and my son almost 14 years ago.
I have to do a 6 month "surgeon supervised" weight loss plan. Hoorah.... Not really but I understand why the insurance company requires this. I am actually going to take this a little farther just to make sure there is nothing that the insurance company can do to deny me on this point. I will drive the 3 hours one way to Denver and back home once a month to go to the classes in the Surgeon's office. I am going to see a local doc here and get him to get me started on a 6 month medically supervised plan with him. I will see him once a month to weight and check in and then I will see the nutritionist for the local hospital once or twice a month. I hope to take that time and have her get me ready for the preop and postop diets and changes. I am going to start going to the bariatric support group at the nutritionists office now as well so that I have everything firm in my life when the time comes.
I think at this point one of the hardest parts has been quitting smoking.... I went to DC Stop Smoking Center in Grand Junction and got the ear shocking therapy again. Last time I did this, it didn't seem to be such a hard thing but I think because I was on Optifast at the time and only taking in liquids I was distracted from the nicotine withdrawal..... I have not slept well in a week. I wake several times a night and when I wake I am alert. Here's hoping I finally get some real sleep soon. I have to be smoke free for 6 months and have to take urine tests in May and August. So needless to say, I have to stick with this regardless of how hard it is. I just wish the kids and hubs would realize not to push my buttons right now.... I am trying not to gain weight since I am not allowed to between now and surgery. If I could walk off some of the tension that would be awesome but unfortunately I am hobbled right now due to a sprained ankle..... that story is pretty funny but I will save it for later..... If we can't laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at?????
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